Goodnight, Harleen
by Kendra Luehr
Summary: The Joker and Harleen Quinzel have a fierce stand-off. *My interpretation of how TheJokerBlogs SHOULD have ended*


**A/N**: I'll rant at you at the end about what I thought about the final episode, but for now just enjoy. ;)

"Goodnight, Harleen"

Harleen quivered as she placed a bloodied palm against Guy's cheek, her breathing growing shallow as she watched her fiancé's face take on a macabre pallor. "C'mon, stay with me, baby" she urged, clutching at his hand as he gave a garbled groan. Stroking the hair back from his face, she suddenly felt the presence of the man – no, the _monster_ – who had done this. The monster who'd waltzed into her wedding like a circus act and had _demanded_ her attention.

She could hear Guy's frantic breathing as the Joker leaned in close, her fiancé's determination to protect her still present as he gave an enraged whimper. For Guy's sake Harleen wanted to appear strong, but she quivered when she felt the clown prince's stale breath wisp across her cheek. Wrinkling her nose in disgust, she leaned away from him and tried to focus only on the man who _truly_ needed her, but it was difficult to keep from thinking about harming the fiend who'd destroyed her life.

With a dramatic sigh, the Joker pointed his firearm at her while announcing "Y'know, I really _hate_ being ignored. I came _aaall_ this way out here to wish you two the very best, and you can't even say _thank you_ for my efforts?" Before Harleen could give a heated retort, the Joker shifted his weapon and fired a shot straight through the gore of Guy's torso.

Screaming as fresh blood splattered across her face and chest, Harleen gazed down at herself in mute horror, her breathing turning into hysterical sobs as she could ironically only think of how he'd _ruined_ her mother's wedding dress. It had been passed down from generation to generation, so how could she ever hope to bequeath the gown to her future children now that it was stained with _blood?_ And not just any blood, but her _groom's_ blood…

Suddenly jarred to attention by the Joker's raucous laughter, Harleen threw herself over Guy's corpse as if this would somehow shield him from harm. Her words came out muffled against his shoulder as she heatedly spat "Is this what you wanted me to learn, you son of a bitch? That everything I love and cherish will get _hurt_ now that I've tried to cure you!? It wasn't my fault! You can't blame me for wanting to try!"

"Uhhh, actually I _can,_ precious. Admit it: you secretly _thrill_ in the idea of 'taming the wild beast', so I _know_ you wanted me to behave this way. It makes your job all the more, uh..._rewarding,_ to say the least, and what it all comes down to is that you _wanted_ this because you _wanted_ to make a name for yourself. You were hoping to go down in history as the one to get the freak to _crack,_ and guess what, beautiful? You _will_ go down in history, but more than likely not in the way you'd planned."

Quivering with rage, Harleen feverishly shot back "So you're meaning to tell me that you strode into my wedding, scared off all my guests, knocked my father unconscious, and killed my _fiancé_ just to prove that I can't break you!?"

"Uhh…yeah, something like that. By the way, how'd I do? I've never crashed a wedding before…"

With a vengeful cry, Harleen propelled herself forward and tackled the Joker amidst her blind rage, his gun going off and shattering one of the overhead lights in a shower of sharp, scintillating glass. Barely even noticing the sudden change of lighting, Harleen tried to wrestle the firearm from his grasp as she screamed "You _killed_ him, you monster! You _killed_ my fiancé!"

Cackling, the Joker wasn't even phased by her ireful swipes and snarls, Harleen's eyes going wide when another explosion of sound abruptly assaulted her ears. Hissing from the sudden flood of pain in her abdomen, she trained her harrowed gaze down upon the scarlet bloom that was rapidly overtaking her gown and gasped.

"HA! My finger slipped!" the Joker gleefully exclaimed, now waving the gun over his head as Harleen weakly collapsed to the side. Finally able to crawl out from underneath her weight, the clown prince leapt to his feet and made a show of dusting off his blazer and tie. "My, my, my, would you just _look_ at what you've done to my tux? I'll _never_ be able to get all this blood out!"

Harleen merely wheezed in response, her body convulsing as she pressed her bloody hands against her chest. It appeared as though she were affecting prayer as she curled up into the fetal position, her fury only mounting as the Joker dropped his gun and began to walk away. Did he actually think he could just _leave_ after all he'd done? Did he actually think he could _escape_ without any repercussions?

Feebly managing to pull herself up to the point that she could grab the gun, Harleen breathed heavily from the exertion while training her sights upon the Joker's retreating form. Her aim was unsteady as she tried to keep her hands from trembling, but she knew that it was now or never. She could _not_ let that fiend walk off into the night without suffering the consequences. With an ireful cry, Harleen squeezed the trigger and jolted back from the force of the shot, her gaze slightly masked by her bangs as she panted and looked up to see if she'd missed.

Snarling, the Joker gripped his arm and staggered forward in surprise, for he genuinely hadn't expected Harleen to overcome his last test. He'd wanted to see how far he could take this – to see just how far he could _push_ her – and apparently her inhibitions had been stripped bare and she was no longer afraid of breaking the rules. Chuckling amidst the exhilarating pain, he pivoted on his heel and beheld the shaking, bleeding damsel in distress, her hair disheveled and the gun gripped tightly in between her slim white hands. He knew she'd used up the last of the ammunition, so with a cruel sneer tugging at his lips, he sauntered toward her with the ominous air of an executioner.

"Now, now, that wasn't very _nice,_ cupcake. Do you shoot _all_ your patients, or am I just an exception?"

"You killed him" she sobbed over and over again, "you _killed_ him…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, blah blah _blah,_ I think we both know by now that lil' loverboy is six feet under, but what I _don't_ understand is why you keep acting as though you're the victim here. We _both_ knew you had this coming, buttercup, so why reject the inevitable? Boy meets girl, boy loses girl to the seductive flood of opportunity, and then finally boy _kills_ girl for her foolish hopes and dreams. Now, uh…correct me if I'm wrong here, but didn't I tell you earlier that I _don't_ like being ignored?"

Coughing, Harleen covered her mouth in time to catch the blood across her palm, the coppery taste causing her to cringe as she looked up at him in disdain. "I don't give a damn about that _or_ your self-righteous diatribes! You're a despicable monster, and I hope you get what's coming to you!"

"Aww, shh-shh-shh, you're going to over-_excite_ yourself, butter bean!" the Joker admonished, his hand mockingly stroking her hair as he knelt down beside her. His smugness was palatable as he added "Now I can tell that you're growing a tad…_weak,_ to say the least, so I suppose this is our final goodbye. In an odd sort of way, this reminds me of that old folk song, "Goodnight Irene". Care for a good ol' sing along before we both part ways?"

Snarling in displeasure, Harleen feebly struggled against him as he slung an arm around her shoulders, his body swaying along with hers as he jovially jostled her against him. "C'mon, sing it with me! Harleeeeen, goodniiiight! Harleeeeen, goodniiiight! Goodnight, Harleen, goodnight, Harleen, I'll see you in my dreeeeams!"

Cackling, the Joker slapped his knee and turned to his victim to see if she got the joke, but all Harleen could do was pant weakly as she struggled to stay conscious. With a chuckle, he flicked out his blade while purring "Y'know, I never _did_ get what I wanted from you during our little sessions, so I might as well take it now, wouldn't you agreeeee?"

"What are you…what are you talking about?" Harleen rasped, somehow fearing his answer as she gazed back at his glinting blade.

Taking her by the chin, the Joker angled the knife against her cheek as he giddily reminded her "Now you're going to have to think far, _far_ back to the beginning, sugar pie, but do you remember when I complimented your oh-so-love-uh-ly blue _eyes?"_

Swallowing, Harleen's pulse weakly thrummed through her veins as she nodded, her anxiety mounting as she felt the blade cut into her cheek. Ignoring the stream of carmine that spilt from her flesh, she didn't resist his rough grasp as he viciously yanked her forward.

Relishing in Harleen's bemused expression, the Joker licked his lips while eagerly sustaining "I _still_ think you have lovely eyes, sugar plum, and I _still_ want them for a keychain. Think you could spare an old friend at least _one_ eye for the road?"

Completely horrified, all of Harleen's remaining strength came in one violent burst as she thrashed against him, a shriek escaping her lips as he clocked her across the face and held her still.

"Now, now, this won't hurt a bit" he cruelly assured her. "I've noticed that you don't have "something blue" on your wedding gown, so I'll take your nice little _blue_ eyes as something to remember this oh-so-_special_ day by."

"No… No, _please!"_ Harleen sobbed, her nails clawing at his wrists as she struggled to break free. Whimpering when the Joker angled the knife over her eye socket, she released a piercing scream as the blade sliced through flesh and supple tissue, blood pouring from the gaping wound as he continued to dig excitedly at his prize.

"Shh-shh, almost there!" he giddily assured her, grinning as her blood spattered his cheeks in a grisly portrait of macabre red. Finally just ripping the eye straight from the socket, he shook it around a little in order to dispel any additional tissue, then rubbed it against his blazer akin to how someone would clean their glasses.

Giggling, he patted the screaming bride's cheek as he purred "Theeere, thanks for the momento, Miz Quin_zel._ When you go to your future Pirates Anonymous meetings, say hi to all the other eye patch wearers for me." Cackling at his ridiculous joke, he then leapt to his feet before depositing the eye into his coat pocket. With a mocking wave, he cooed "Rest in pieceeeees!" before turning with a blood-red grin on his face.

Whistling, the Joker then exited the chapel and strode into the narthex where the custodian had arrived for the evening clean-up. Clapping a hand on his shoulder, the clown prince merrily announced "You've got _quite_ the mess in there to take care of, bucko – I wish you luck!"

Staring after the Joker in bewilderment, the custodian clutched at his broom and watched the mysterious villain disappear into the shadows of the night, never once realizing just how much truth there was to his words.

**A/N** - Alright, I'm sure I'm in the slim minority here, but I was HIGHLY disappointed/disgusted by the final episode of TheJokerBlogs and decided to take a stab at an alternate ending. Agree with me or not, Heath's Joker would NOT have done all this for a woman. End of story. I was hoping he merely crashed the wedding to instill some sort of message/moral like he USUALLY does, but alas, all I got was the hackneyed "If I can't have you, no one can" spiel that we tend to find in romance novels. I feel like they ignored the characters in favor of the JokerQuinn fangirls, because a lot of the actions weren't justified and struck me as bizarre or OOC. Now I know some of you might be saying "Well yeah, but they have the right to make it however they want -- it doesn't HAVE to be like Ledger's Joker" and you're completely right, they DO have that right. But the thing is, I HEARD TheJokerBlogs give an interview on the radio stating that their blogs ARE, indeed based off of Ledger's Joker and The Dark Knight, hence the basis of my irritation.

And Harleen? GUH. She was like a Mary Sue robot, what with everyone gushing over her beauty and coming forth with confessions of love. Gimme a break. We got NO character development from her until this last episode, so that made J's obsession all the more inconceivable to me. I've been exploring/dissecting his character since opening week of 2008 (what can I say? I love me some wacky villains :P), so finding that the purpose of these blogs was to get Harleen EXTREMELY irked me. He came across as a maniac rejected because of unrequited love, which is just NOT the Joker. At ALL. And maybe the actress for Harleen was just godawful, because a lot of what she did didn't make any sense to me. I mean, why in God's name did she shoot Batman, the one person who was trying to SAVE her? And how is shooting J in the arm and squatting alongside him "payback"? If someone ruined my wedding, knocked my father unconscious, and killed my fiance', I'd shoot him in the head. lol I also had to wonder if she REALLY loved Guy since she let him sacrifice himself and, after this happened, she just blankly hovered over him. Again, it could be her HORRIBLE acting, but it made me question the character motivations, which is never good.

PLEASE don't argue with me, because we're all entitled to our own opinions. I still love and appreciate TJB, but I guess it's true when they say one rotten apple spoils the whole bunch. And since I've been studying the Joker's character for so long, I'm pretty deadset in my opinions of him and won't be changing my mind.

The MAIN epic/redeemable thing about the episode was J's encounter with Batman (FINALLY!!!), and it was short-lived because of the twit with the lip ring. T_T lol I STILL love Jeremiah Arkham, though. My allegiance to him will never sway. :P


End file.
